No matter how important education is, we cannot let children suffer injustice.
This view has recently received a new interpretation.
The college entrance examination has just ended, and students can finally relax.
Some people play games day and night.
Some go to karaoke with friends.
But some people have learned how to "spend money".
There is a popular post on Xiaohongshu:
"In the two days after the college entrance examination, my mother spent all her three months' salary."
The blogger's mother rewarded her.
I gave her 20,000 yuan, which was almost three months' salary.
The blogger acted quickly.
I immediately bought myself a whole set of Apple products.
I also bought a lot of cosmetics and skin care products.
After all the calculation, only 35 yuan is left out of the 20,000 yuan.
Earning money is hard,
But spending money only takes a moment.
There are many similar posts.
All of this happened after the college entrance examination.
It's a real headache when kids want to spend a lot of money on this and that.
For example, Ms. Yang from Chongqing promised her son to buy him a computer and a mobile phone after he took the college entrance examination. But the boy insisted on getting the latest models, which cost 16,200 yuan in total. He said that his classmates all used the latest models and he didn't want to lose money.
On the other hand, Mr. Tan's daughter also made a list after the college entrance examination, from mobile phones, computers to travel, a total of more than 40,000 yuan. Although Mr. Tan is just an ordinary office worker and under great pressure, he does not want to make his child unhappy. In the end, he cut some things and still spent 25,000 yuan just to make his daughter happy.
Another netizen had just finished the college entrance examination, and her family only agreed to give her 2,000 yuan to buy a mobile phone, but she ended up choosing a 6,000 yuan phone. After being rejected, she complained bitterly online, saying that if you can't afford to raise a child, don't have a child, and don't pass your helplessness on to the child.
After the college entrance examination, Xiaomi's physical stores were crowded with students and parents. This "post-college entrance examination economy" boom not only boosted consumption, but also touched the sensitive nerves of many people. Some families feel under great pressure because of their children's demands. For example, some children ask for 20,000 or 30,000 yuan in pocket money right after the exam, and they will be dissatisfied with their family if they are not given. This gives many parents a headache.
Under such posts, whenever someone says that being a parent is not easy, there will be a lot of typical comments, such as "Don't have children if you don't have money" or "Children are not born to suffer." Most of these comments come from students. This situation makes people feel helpless.
Isn't it just the end of the college entrance examination? Why is it like a huge undertaking? Many parents have never had the opportunity to travel in their lives, but now they have to pay for their children's expensive travel expenses; some parents use old mobile phones themselves, but have to buy the latest models for their children. If the family is rich, it would be fine, but the economic conditions of many families do not allow such expenses.
Sometimes children want a lot of things, but the family’s financial conditions really don’t allow for them. They get angry if we don’t buy them for them, and even post it online so that people will say that we are bad parents.
Thinking about it, I had finished the college entrance examination and my results hadn’t come out yet. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even dare to speak loudly, let alone ask my parents for this or that. I even plan to work part-time during the summer vacation to help my family save some money.
In fact, the college entrance examination does not mean the end of spending days. You still have to go to college for four years, and the cost is not small. For an ordinary family like ours, it is really a big expense.
Looking at those pictures, why can the children ask for this and that without blinking an eye when their families obviously don't have that much money? In the final analysis, there are many "rich second-generations from poor families" in society nowadays. What does it mean? It means that the children of parents with average or not so good family conditions live like the children of rich families. Some parents want to give their children the best education even if they suffer and wear poor clothes.
Poor children are spoiled into the second generation of the rich, which makes them feel that their parents' hard work is what they deserve, and they don't care about money anymore. They only know that money is useful, but they don't know how hard it is to earn that little money.
An economist Yang Changjiang mentioned that many Chinese children do not understand money at all. They think money is like a toy and spend it however they want, without considering how much labor is behind it. We call this kind of situation "poor family spoiled children".
Some parents save money and want to give their children the best. They may think: My children should not suffer the hardships I suffered when I was a child; our children should have what other children have. Some parents even do extreme things for their children's education, such as the news reported by China National Radio Network, which said that a farmer in Qinghai sold blood to support his son's college education.
But what about this child? He doesn't contact home normally, but when he calls he asks for money.
My parents' letter is like the bill for their blood sales:
"I spent 200 on clothes and another 500 on repairs."
"If I fail physical education, I have to give something to the teacher."
"The monthly living expenses are 3,000, don't give less."
"I was fined 3,000 yuan by the school for secretly using the electricity in the corridor. Hurry up and collect the money!"
But in fact, he spent all the money in school.
He dresses very handsomely and shows off everywhere that his father is an engineer.
With the money my parents worked hard to earn,
Either traveling or eating and drinking.
Even my girlfriend’s birthday requires my parents to pay.
My parents haven't bought new clothes for several years.
I was worried that he would not have a good time in school.
Even selling blood gave him money.
As a result, this guy couldn't even graduate from college.
A child who should have brought honor to his family.
He has become a useless person who can only talk but not do.
Many parents actually have average family conditions.
But I still tried my best to give the best to my children.
I just hope my child can achieve something.
But the ending is often disappointing.
Some parents, because they had a very hard time when they were young, want to give their children the best, but end up making their children unable to endure any hardship. The current situation is very strange, poor children are becoming more and more spoiled, while rich children can endure hardships.
I have a friend whose child is particularly impressive. He went to a good university and was not idle during the summer vacation. He got up at 6:30 every morning to exercise, and then took the bus to tutor people everywhere to make money. In the evening, he also went to the community flea market to sell things, and his business was pretty good. He set up his own stall and seemed very happy.
This kid is also very good at studying, and his grades are very good. If you don't know his father, you can't tell that his family is so well-off and lives in a big villa.
His family is quite wealthy, but they are always worried about the future, so his father pays special attention to cultivating his various skills.
They are not the only ones who do this. I have found that many wealthy families do this. For example, the glass industry tycoon Cao Dewang, his son Cao Hui started working in a factory when he was a teenager, starting with cleaning and gradually moving to technical operation.
There are also Huo Qigang and Guo Jingjing, who took their five-year-old child to work in the fields, farming under the sun.
Gymnastics star Tian Liang's daughter Sendie developed calluses on her feet and deformed joints from playing tennis.
We often think that children from rich families are spoiled. In fact, children from these families not only have the ability to endure hardships, but also have strong emotional intelligence and ability to mobilize resources. This makes them far superior to children from other families in some aspects. This is how the gap between people comes about.
What should we do if we encounter this situation?
You have to explain the family situation directly to your children. There was a debate topic on "The Debaters" before: "Should parents tell their children that the family has no money?" I quite agree with Fu Shouer's view: Children should be made aware of our family's average economic conditions, so that they will learn to be restrained and not be led by the nose by all kinds of desires.
Being poor is not a big problem, but pretending that everything is fine in front of children is not a good idea. In fact, speaking openly and honestly will make children feel trusted and understand their parents' situation better.
An author @有梦想小咸鱼 on Zhihu shared his experience. After his mother received her salary every month, she would write down the various expenses, such as how much money she spent on groceries, water and electricity bills, etc. If there was any money left at the end of the month, she might give him some pocket money; if not, she would just say that she didn't have any extra money this month. Sometimes when he wanted to buy something, his mother would take out the list and calculate whether it was worth it.
If we could squeeze out some money from other items, we would buy it; otherwise, we would not buy it. As time went by, my mother's income increased. She never hid anything from me and gave me more pocket money.
Although I sometimes envy my classmates for having all kinds of delicious food and fun things, I never ask for too much and never compare myself with others. I know my mother works very hard, and I know the monthly expenses and savings of my family.
They treated me as a member of the family and let me participate in the daily affairs of the family instead of just providing for me. I think this kind of education is really good.
Then, we have to let go of the compensatory mentality towards our children. I often see some children online saying, "If I go abroad, my parents have to give me money; if I get married, my parents have to prepare gifts and wedding houses for me; if I have children and my parents don't help take care of them, I won't support them in their old age." This kind of thinking is actually caused by the long-term sense of indebtedness of parents to them, which makes children accustomed to asking for things from their parents. Over time, if their parents cannot satisfy them one day, they will feel resentful.
Parents and children actually don't owe anyone anything. Just like what Gibran said in his poem, children are not our private property, they are the continuation of life. It is only because of their existence that we have the identity of parents. Therefore, we should be grateful to them instead of restricting them.
As parents, we must understand that we cannot accompany our children for their entire lives. They need to create their own future. When they are young, we must protect them, and as they grow up, we must help them. This is our responsibility as parents.
It is normal for children to want to live a good life. But this requires their own efforts, not relying on us. We cannot let them think that they can live a comfortable life as long as they rely on us.
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