Vasya was not just a mommy's crypto investor - he was a real warrior of the financial fields, seasoned by a thousand meaningless deals and millions of hours spent staring at charts. His combat shorts, which had seen more lost bets than the average bookmaker, had long become a symbol of this endless struggle. One morning, sitting down at his laptop and scratching his belly with the grace of a person who does this on schedule, Vasya noticed a strange spot.
No, it wasn't just a spot. It was a spermogram - a wavy curve, with a sharply growing "peak" in the middle and a decline towards the edges. Vasya looked at it with awe, as if Satoshi Nakamoto himself had appeared to him in a shining halo. The spermogram promised growth, takeoff, a triumphant pump! It was a sign from above, as if the Universe itself had said: "Time to stock up!"
"It's all clear. Now there will be a pump to the skies," Vasya muttered, looking at the spot as if he saw the future of humanity.
Inspired by this revelation, Vasya went to the stock exchange. Everything looked as usual there: the charts were jumping like fleas in a market for old mattresses, the names of the coins sounded as if they had been invented after the third bottle of port. But Vasya didn’t care – he believed in spermographics.
His choice fell on a new crypto called CumCoin, which, according to some "expert" from Telegram, "was preparing for a powerful shot." Vasya invested all his savings - 500 rubles, accumulated from selling cards from "Dota." An inner voice sounded in his head: "Go to the end, hold on to the last!"
"This isn't just crypto, this is my ticket to life!" he whispered, looking at the monitor with the air of a man who is already mentally booking a suite in Bali.
But just an hour later, CumCoin plummeted so fast that Vasya even felt as if a three-act tragedy was unfolding before his eyes. The peak of the sperm graph, which had promised him a bright future, suddenly turned into a miserable spot on the stock exchange chart. Vasya's bet evaporated like a stain after washing, and his dreams of financial independence drowned again in an ocean of disappointments.
“It’s just a correction!” he kept telling himself as CumCoin continued to fall like a chewed instant noodle that had fallen off a fork.
By the end of the day, his account was so empty that even the balance figure looked humiliating. Vasya sat staring at the monitor with an expression of deep philosophical despair, like a man who finally realized that the stain on his underwear was not a sign from above, but simply the consequences of the previous evening.
The stain remained. It was always with him — a reminder that the cryptocurrency market is unpredictable, and decisions based on spermographic data lead to financial absurdity. Vasya no longer believed in miracles, but continued to look for new signs: once he saw a triangle in the remains of ketchup on a plate and thought it was a bull flag pattern, but, as before, everything ended sadly.
The moral of this story is simple: if your best analyst is a stain on your combat shorts, invest in new underwear instead of crypto. Think.