Recently I saw an interesting point of view: to become a person who knows how to love, learn to love.
Looking back on my own growth process, although I did not understand love in my early years, the love that I gradually accepted filled my heart and has been with me throughout my growth. The word love seems to be regarded as an unrealistic wish and expectation.
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There was a story like this. Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death by the United States. During the weeks he was imprisoned in Fort Campbell, twelve soldiers were sent to guard him. Initially, these twelve soldiers accepted the task with anger and hostility. In their minds, Saddam was an executioner and an enemy of the United States. They had dreamed of ending his life with their own hands.
What made all this change? It was love. Saddam politely greeted the soldiers. He did not show typical intimidation and indifference. He patiently asked about life. Did you sleep well? During this period of time, I felt that you were as warm as my family. I regarded the soldiers as my own family. I thanked you for your care, shook hands with the soldiers one by one, and spoke to them in a low voice, which made everyone cry.
Just before the execution, when the crowd was full of anger and hurled insults at Saddam, the twelve soldiers stepped forward to prevent a possible violent conflict. Some even nearly clashed with the crowd. Saddam cordially expressed forgiveness to the executioners in charge of the execution, understanding that they were just doing their job.
Saddam was eventually executed, but some of the 12 soldiers experienced psychological trauma. They knew Saddam's crimes and the atrocities he committed, but they could not regard him as an enemy. One soldier even recalled that every night spent with Saddam was like spending time with his grandfather.
This story makes people think: Saddam is not a good person, but he has an extraordinary influence. His charm is not based on fear and despotism, but in a way beyond the norm, making everyone who comes into contact with him feel his love and humanity. This trait has left a deep mark in the hearts of those who come into contact with him, which cannot be easily erased. It is more like a complex interweaving of human nature and emotions, and the subtle boundary between love and hatred.
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Ming Yingzong Zhu Qizhen was captured by the Oirat Mongols after the Battle of Tumu, and was imprisoned in Mongolia for several years. During this time, the Ming Dynasty had established a new emperor, and Zhu Qizhen also lost his political status and became a nominal captive, and he could be treated as a captive. He was more powerful than Saddam, not only did he make the Mongols treat him well, but also had them send him back to Beijing. What a powerful energy and wisdom.
I was also a little curious about how he did it? Everyone knew that captives would be humiliated. Although he was of noble status, he was neither arrogant nor submissive. Whenever others insulted him, he was neither humble nor overbearing. This flattered Wei Du, who felt that he was a sincere and kind person, who was always neither hasty nor slow, and treated others with courtesy. This kind of power was probably mutual, and the soldiers were also touched and infected. Their attitude towards him changed from politeness to respect, and they even brought his wife to meet him. In the end, he successfully persuaded the Mongols to send him back to Beijing, back to the capital of the Ming Dynasty.
After returning to Beijing, although Zhu Qizhen's brother was the emperor at the time and a threat to the throne, he was under surveillance and isolation. With no one else daring to approach him, Zhu Qizhen influenced the eunuchs who were watching him and became their best friends. They both kept their oath not to betray him until their death.
Although Zhu Qizhen was not a perfect emperor in history and made many wrong decisions and actions, he influenced Mingyue, the author of "Things about the Ming Dynasty", and the character became positive in his writing. This power is truly touching.
Love is such an amazing inner force. If it could be harnessed by a complex historical figure, why shouldn’t we, as modern people, harness it?
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Wadhwa once said that love is the expansion of the self. When we fall in love with someone, our consciousness is not limited to ourselves, but extends to them. You not only make them "your person", but also a part of your life. Imagine if you feel this way about your family.
Imagine a blank piece of paper, with a dot on it to represent yourself. Then draw a circle around it, with the person you love inside the circle. Who, according to Wadhwa, is outside the circle?
This kind of understanding is not limited to the emotional level, it is a kind of connection that transcends the self and is a kind of power. It is able to truly perceive and understand the needs and emotions of others, and the spiritual resonance. It is a power that can change and influence oneself, making the whole life warm and powerful.
You may think that this is a rational tool. Isn't it just letting others use Zhu Qizhen for our own benefit? The aspiration is not like this. It is not to let others do something for us, but to do our own things first.
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When you are full of love to love others, your entire energy will be in a state of compassion, warmth or various beautiful states. You hope to become such a wonderful person and maintain such a relaxed state.
Some people also say that love is selfish, and that it is only done when it is good for oneself. For example, Lincoln once passed by a quagmire and saw a few piglets that were about to drown. He couldn't bear to watch and rescued them. Doing this is not absolutely selfless, but just to calm the heart. Your own state will also become better because you have done the right thing for other lives. What a wonderful thing that can improve your heart, and your body and mind will become healthier. There are also studies that show that people with love and kindness will be happier. When you do good things for others from the bottom of your heart, your heart will be peaceful, and the corresponding diseases will be reduced, such as depression, and your blood pressure level will be healthier. You will reduce anxiety and live longer. You don't need to care about the return at all, because you have already received the return. True love itself is unconditional. We love because we want to love, not to be loved.
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One of Wadhwa's students had a profound conversation with his grandfather before he passed away. Grandpa asked him if he was interested in learning the secret of a perfect marriage. He told his grandson that the relationship between him and his grandmother was never 50-50. It was always 90-10. Sometimes he gave his grandmother 90 and kept 10; sometimes she gave him 90 and kept 10. Grandpa emphasized that when you truly love someone, you are always willing to give more, not caring about so-called fairness.
Therefore, love is active and unconditional. It is not conditional, such as I will love you only if you behave well, or I will stop loving you if you oppose me, or whether I love you depends on whether you can successfully complete a certain task. This approach is not true love. Love does not depend on the other person, but on your own choice. Choose to be a person who knows how to love.
As a result of this choice, the other person can feel your love and respond with love to you, thus establishing a loving connection between you.
When you radiate powerful love energy, your power also increases, which is why love is self-expanding.
Therefore, it can be seen that those who seem to "not love" are not "bad", but lack the power to understand love. However, it is more likely that they cannot do this - they dare not love, do not know how to love, or their inner conditions may not be enough to experience and express love.
Therefore, love needs to be learned and is also the source of happiness.
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First of all, you need energy that can nourish your inner self, you need the soil of love, and you need to experience being loved.
Scientific research supports this view, as shown in Sapolsky's book Behavior and the research cited by Wadhwa. If a person is loved and supported by his parents from an early age, he will usually grow up to be a loving person. This love and support enables him to build close relationships and have a sense of security without worrying too much about his partner's possible betrayal or infidelity. He is open to new things, willing to take risks, and not afraid of failure. When faced with conflict, he is able to genuinely care about others and find ways to solve the problem instead of being stubborn and stubborn.
On the contrary, if a person lacks love and does not feel supported by his parents, he may show anxious and avoidant behavior patterns during his growth. Anxiety may manifest as a sense of distrust in intimate relationships, requiring constant confirmation and comfort to prove that his partner truly loves him. Because of fear of disappointment and betrayal, he is unwilling to establish deep intimate relationships with others.
This phenomenon is called the dependency paradox: the more people love you or can rely on you, the less you rely on others; the less they love you, the more you rely on them. Family environment has a profound impact on personality and behavior.
Some people also blindly believe that "raising boys in poverty" and deliberately suppress and abuse them every day. I think this is wrong. To cultivate a person with creativity and a sense of security, you must give him true love and support. It is so important to be nourished from within, because it will accompany you throughout your life. Even if the person who loves you in the world has passed away, when you recall him, you can still experience that love. Even if you are alone, you can love yourself well.
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Secondly, it is to actively give love, understand others, and empathize with them. Another way is to give back and be grateful, and actively express gratitude to those who have helped you. Rather than being utilitarian, when you hold this mentality, the feeling you get is completely different.
Especially for those who are close to you for a long time, you should find their shining points and stop finding faults. Studies have found that the pattern of happiness is always the same. After being together for many years, you can still find the shining points of each other and affirm and praise each other at any time. If you choose someone who is full of quarrels, it may not be noticed in the short term or because of love, but in the long run, it must be very exhausting. This kind of discomfort is a serious psychological harm. You always spend your days magnifying, scanning and finding the shortcomings of the other person. When you have a deeper understanding, you can give each other strength and support in facing the ups and downs of life and go through it together.
My understanding here is how to understand the underlying logic of love and the world view, and the underlying logic is abundant.
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People's inner magnetic field cannot deceive others. It is a kind of power that grows from the inside out. Love is a super energy and super power. There is a charity leader, Mother Teresa. No matter how disgusted you are, as long as you stay with her, your indifference will be melted. She will listen to your inner heart carefully, understand your feelings, feel the inner joy she puts in, and then you will conquer. In this world where utilitarianism and lack of love are common, people seem to be more hungry for true love. Some people package love, use the name of love to defraud money and property, etc.
We are often driven by utilitarianism and self-centeredness, but true love is a force that transcends the self. From Saddam Hussein to Emperor Yingzong of the Ming Dynasty, Zhu Qizhen, to Mother Teresa.
Love is not only an expression of emotion, but also a super energy that can connect hearts and souls and make our lives richer and warmer. No matter what, we still have to learn to give, because this is the only way to identify and find the true love. Actively experience, express and share love, so as to feel the profound influence, beauty and warmth brought by love.