After losing 850,000 in online gambling in 2018, I almost completely quit from 2021 to 2023, and many memories about gambling have become blurred. Until November 2023, I saved 300,000 by being frugal.

On a certain day in November, I saw news about the cryptocurrency market on Douyin, saying that BTC had tripled from 2018 to 2023. I thought that investing money here would be much better than in funds, so I downloaded an exchange.

In mid-November, I started buying spot, bought a few altcoins, and when they dropped 20%, I felt it was pointless, so I started trading contracts. In short, if I opened a long position, it would drop; if I opened a short position, it would rise. When it moved 20 points, I would stop immediately, not daring to hold positions. Later, I realized that only by holding positions could I profit, and I started holding until liquidation. Watching the market back and forth, staring at the one-minute candlestick, my heart would tighten with each second. Initially, I opened 10 times and 20 times, but later when I got anxious from losses, I began to leverage 100 and 125 times, until early December when I lost 80,000. Now, in mid-December, I couldn’t resist and came back again.

But as a newbie, I understood nothing and completely relied on luck; gains and losses would always return to zero. I remember vividly the day Audi skyrocketed; I kept shorting and got liquidated three times. Stubborn and sadly, I was simply hopeless. When my 300,000 dwindled to only 180,000,

I bought a ticket back home. On the high-speed train, I recharged 20,000. I looked out at the beautiful scenery, opened a 100 times long position, and silently prayed, 'Almighty Father, please bless me, I will stop as long as I break even.' Unfortunately, the Father did not have mercy on me. In just five minutes, the market plummeted, and after another liquidation, I changed my password.

Now it is January 1, 2024, the first day of the New Year, I saw that TRB, which I had planned to long last night, soared three times and then plummeted three times. So I began to fantasize that if I had opened a 10 times position with 20,000 last night, it would have turned into 400,000. Because I had indeed wanted to open it, but gave up due to a failed recharge, it was really unfortunate. After much hesitation, I retrieved my password, downloaded the app again, and recharged 30,000, starting to long TRB. Ironically, after I opened a long position at 176, in just five minutes, TRB plummeted to 132, directly getting liquidated. Within 30 minutes after my liquidation, it soared to 200.

Unfortunately, the ending of the story is not what everyone thought, with one battle achieving godhood, no financial freedom, just an ordinary person.

I screamed wildly, leaving painful tears in a lonely room. On January 1, 2024, I changed the phone number linked to the exchange to a rarely used SIM card. At that moment after changing it, I threw the SIM card down from the upstairs. Watching the card fall, I suddenly felt very sad; I realized that I had never quit my addiction, it had always been buried in my heart, never disappearing.

This time, however, it has taken on another form coexisting with me, and I once again lost to it. Of course, in the new year, I hope everyone can stay away from gambling and earn a living steadily. Fantasizing about getting rich overnight is deadly; it can make one lose their way. This has been my five years, constantly struggling against gambling, each time losing thoroughly.