Only liquidation and liquidation while sleeping when playing contracts

$BTC I want to die, I've lost everything in gambling. My father gave me 200,000 as a down payment for a house, and I've lost it all. The 300,000 I saved over the years has also been lost to my own gambling on virtual currencies. Ever since I learned to trade contracts, I've been losing continuously. I can still win with spot trading, but I just can't control myself and keep trading contracts. What should I do? I'm 30 years old and have nothing. I really want to die.