Regrets and Struggles in the Crypto World — The Story of an Ordinary Programmer
I'm Zhang Yao, 36 years old, and I used to be an ordinary IT engineer with a monthly income of about 10,000 yuan. My life was quite mundane until the cryptocurrency frenzy in 2017 completely changed me. That year, like many average people, I was drawn in by the "money-making talk" circulating in my friend circle. My friend Zhang Wei was a seasoned player in the crypto world, and the speed at which his wealth grew left me in awe; within a few months, his investments had multiplied several times.
Determined, I embarked on my crypto journey. At that time, the price of BbTtCc was around 20,000 yuan. I used my savings accumulated over the years to buy 0.5 BbTtCc. Over time, the price of BbTtCc kept rising, and market enthusiasm surged. By the end of 2017, BbTtCc reached nearly 150,000 yuan. At that moment, I was filled with excitement and anticipation, as if I saw the dawn of financial freedom.
However, as prices soared, my greed also grew. Zhang Wei told me that besides BbTtCc, there were many emerging altcoins to invest in. Thus, I began trading frequently and bought EeTtHh, XxRrPp, and LlTtCc among others. Each time I saw the prices rise, I couldn't help but feel joy, even starting to fantasize about being able to afford a bigger house and a better life.
But the market is not always upward. In early 2018, the trend began to reverse, and prices gradually fell. At first, I brushed it off, thinking it was just a temporary fluctuation. However, as the market continued to decline, my investment account also shrank. BbTtCc dropped from 150,000 to 100,000, and even lower. I began to feel anxious, glued to my phone every day, afraid of missing any opportunity for a rebound.
During this period, family pressure also mounted. My wife, Xiaoli, discovered my investment activities and started worrying about our financial situation. We had a five-year-old daughter, and we needed to cover her education and living expenses. Xiaoli talked to me several times, wanting me to cut my losses, but I always brushed her off with the excuse that "it will rebound soon." Deep down, I knew her concerns were valid, but I couldn't face the possibility of my failure.
By June 2018, my account balance was insufficient to cover my initial investments. Ultimately, I decided to borrow money to continue investing, hoping to recoup my losses when the market improved. I borrowed 100,000 yuan from relatives, secretly praying that this operation would succeed. However, the market still gave me no chance and continued to decline, leaving me with not only lost investments but also debts.
I felt an overwhelming sense of despair and regret. The confidence I once had was shattered in that moment. When confronted by Xiaoli, I chose silence and concealed the fact that I had borrowed money. Our relationship began to strain, and arguments became frequent. Xiaoli lost trust in me, and I couldn't provide her with a reasonable explanation.
In 2019, I started looking for part-time work to repay my debts. During the day, I continued working at the company, and at night, I took on some freelance projects. Life became exceedingly difficult, with hardly any time to spend with my family. On my daughter's birthday, I didn't even have time to attend her celebration and could only wish her well through video. Each time I saw her expectant eyes, my heart ached.
Despite the hardships, I still couldn't completely sever ties with the crypto world. Whenever I saw a glimmer of recovery in the market, a flicker of hope would arise within me, urging me to try again. In 2020, I discovered the rise of DeFi (Decentralized Finance), where many claimed they could profit quickly. The temptation was irresistible, and I reinvested some funds, attempting to find a turnaround in this new field.
But the outcome was still disappointment. Months later, many projects collapsed due to a lack of regulation and management, and I lost faith again, along with more funds. Each time I saw the market rise, I was filled with regret, wondering why I hadn't chosen a more prudent investment strategy and why I always held onto a sense of luck.
I began to feel profound loneliness. Communication with my family dwindled, Xiaoli's eyes were filled with disappointment, and I felt powerless to change the situation. Every night, lying in bed, I reflected on my choices, caught in a web of regret and self-blame, unable to break free.
By 2021, as the market further developed, the prices of BbTtCc and EeTtHh soared again, while I remained trapped in the shadows of the past. Although I knew I should let go and start anew, the internal struggle left me paralyzed. Each time I saw friends sharing their successes on social media, a wave of jealousy and resentment washed over me.
To this day, I am still working hard to repay my debts, returning to an ordinary life. Although I have stopped trading, the memories of the crypto world linger like a shadow. Each time I see those flickering candlestick charts, my heart tightens, as if I were back in that moment filled with hope and despair.
As of 2025, I still find myself lingering in the crypto world. Despite countless failures and pain, I cannot completely abandon this market. Each time I see others making successful comebacks, my greed and hope are reignited. I know this path is fraught with thorns, but I still yearn for a glimmer of opportunity.
Every night, when my daughter peacefully falls asleep in my arms, I often reflect on my choices. I want to give her a better future, yet I am deeply drawn to the crypto world. I understand this path may not be bright, but I still hope to find my way. In this world full of uncertainties, I can only keep moving forward, looking forward to the next turning point. I hope for a bull market to come.
[Note: This article is from an anonymous submission and has been edited to avoid revealing identities. I hope everyone can see themselves in others and feel free to share your stories in the comments or find me on my homepage.]
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