The Great Crypto Heist of 2025 ( fictional) follow for more …

In a bizarre incident, an anonymous hacker, known only by their handle "CryptoKing0x," stole 100,000 Bitcoins from a prominent exchange. But here's the twist: they did it using only a Commodore 64 and a fax machine.

CryptoKing0x, revealed to be 85-year-old retired accountant Agnes, had been secretly mastering her coding skills since the 1980s. She exploited a vulnerability in the exchange's ancient cold storage system, which still ran on COBOL.

As the crypto world scrambled to respond, Agnes transferred the stolen Bitcoins to an address labeled "TulipMania2025." The community was baffled, but Agnes had a plan.

With her newfound fortune, Agnes bought out the entire stock of a struggling tulip farm in the Netherlands. She then created the world's first crypto-collateralized tulip bulb-backed token, "TULIP."

TULIP's ICO raised an astonishing $1 billion, with investors eager to capitalize on the absurdity. Agnes became an unlikely crypto sensation, known for her cunning and love of tulips.

However, as TULIP's price skyrocketed, Agnes vanished, leaving behind only a cryptic message: "The tulips will bloom forever."