A young man shared a story that highlights how cultural approaches to social status can differ significantly. On his first date in Sweden, he noticed something unusual about the girl's questions. She asked him about his favorite movies, the books he read, and the countries he had visited. But one question, common in his own culture, never came up: "What do you do for a living?"
This small detail surprised him. In the culture he grew up in, asking someone about their job was a standard way to gauge their social status and financial standing. Eventually, his curiosity got the better of him, and he directly asked her, "Why didn’t you ask me about my job?"
The girl’s response was both unexpected and thought-provoking:
"If I ask you about your job, I’m indirectly asking about your status and income. That would be rude. I’m here to get to know you, not your job or your money."
This answer led the young man to question the unwritten rules of his own culture. He realized that in his society, even in personal relationships, there was an invisible caste system. Love, friendship, and even respect often depended on a person’s profession or income.
As a proverb says, “Birds of a feather flock together.” While this reflects the idea of compatibility, it often turns into an expectation of status equality, reducing relationships to a form of transaction.
Profession and Pride
A few days after the date, the young man met a civil engineer working on large infrastructure projects. During their conversation, the engineer spoke about his son, who was the same age as the young man.
Curious, the young man asked, "Is your son an engineer too?"
The engineer smiled and replied, "No, my son is a construction worker, a mason."
The answer shocked the young man. In his culture, the child of an engineer would be expected to follow a similar professional path. Surprised, he said, “In my culture, fathers push their children to become engineers.”
The engineer's reply revealed a completely different perspective:
"My son is an excellent mason. Why would I want him to be a poor engineer when he can be a great mason? He loves what he does, and I’m proud of him."
This conversation deeply affected the young man, prompting him to reconsider his views on profession and success. For the Swedish father, his son's passion and talent were far more important than societal expectations.
Caste System of Developing Societies
These two experiences forced the young man to confront the invisible caste system in his own culture. In many developing societies, a person’s profession shapes not only their dreams but also the approval of their family and community. A construction engineer’s child becoming a mason is often seen as a failure, with little regard for talent or happiness.
This mindset reflects a broader issue: many societies evaluate people based on their income or title. Being a “good mason” is often considered inferior to being a “bad engineer.” In contrast, the Swedish perspective prioritizes individual happiness and talent over societal norms.
Redefining Success and Relationships
The young man’s experiences challenged him to rethink societal values. Should we measure a person’s worth by their job title and salary? Or should it be by their happiness, passions, and contributions to the world?
The girl who didn’t ask about his job demonstrated that building a real connection is about understanding the person beyond their title. The father who supported his son’s career choice reminded him that success is not about fitting into a mold but embracing individual talents.
As a society, we must break down the invisible caste systems that limit individuality and reduce people to their professions. True richness lies in valuing people for who they are, not what they do.
Genuine relationships—whether romantic or familial—should be built on mutual respect and understanding, not on status or equality of rank. Only then can we create a world where people are valued for their happiness and authenticity.
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