Impatient for your sh*tcoin to pump?

Don't worry, I’ve got the foolproof solution retail investors have mastered for years. It’s so effective, it might as well be a law of the universe. Follow these steps carefully:

1️⃣ Sit down. Take a deep breath. You're about to make history.

2️⃣ Open your crypto app, locate your sh*tcoin, and find the sell button.

3️⃣ Sell every last coin of it. That’s right -- 100%. Don’t half-ass it or this won't work.

4️⃣ Close the app, go to bed, and dream of greener pastures.

5️⃣ Wake up. Check the charts. Witness the vertical rocket launch you’ve been waiting for -- except now you don’t own a single coin of it.

6️⃣ Cry in a fetal position, curse the universe, and post conspiracy theories online about market manipulation.